Upon the many projects and ideas I’ve put together, one idea I wanted to begin especially on my blog, was a whole new category titled “Things My Mother Says.” Call me cliché, but that outspoken little voice of reason inside my head has always been the voice of my mother and her many antics of advice and experiences, complete enough to put together a 101 guide to life.
Looking back through my blog posts since the beginning of the year I’ve noticed two things. 1. I don’t blog nearly as much as I’d like to despite my constant promises to change that, and 2. As we’re half way through the year, I’ve already felt like I’ve been through a roller coaster, lost balance and finally stood back up again. On a side note, let me tell you something about roller coasters. I’ve never enjoyed them; in fact I mostly feared them. The idea of allowing yourself to be swung around in loops and violent drops did not seem fun to me AT ALL. But in following through with a promise to my younger, roller coaster loving sister, I took her to an amusement park just a few weeks ago where I was subjected to unwillingly ride most of the crazy rides with her. I figured this was the perfect opportunity for me to conquer my ridiculous fears. Verdict? Yup, still afraid.
What I mean to say is, when did the years start becoming so difficult to get past?
Yes it has already been one of those years. There was confusion then there was a light bulb moment. There was hurt then there was running away to find healing. There were mistakes, stubbornness, tears, frustration…then laughs, smiles, lessons learned and acceptance, all leading to a final sudden calm. That calm just happened to come when I realized that I was ready to live by a significant “something” my mother said just a few days ago.
“There are two types of experiences. Those that pass with lessons learned and those that break your backbone like a violent wake-up call, shaking the serenity of your life. With lessons learned, you seek understanding and move on. But once broken, the trick is not just to learn but also to change.”
So there I was, feeling the very metaphor in my carelessly bound backbone realizing that hiding and running away from disappointment and hurt didn’t do anything but make me a master of my very own numbness. Was I happier then I was months ago? Was I less lost? Less frustrated? Back to my optimistic self? Definitely. Then why the need for change?
Maybe I’m obsessed with the idea of new beginnings and starting fresh, but there’s always something welcoming about change when it’s in your own control; when you, yourself, open the door to second chance and become a little more resilient for the next time an experience comes and tries to break your backbone.
Take it into consideration for all of you like me, whose minds were just cleared from the dizziness of spinning too fast. A bit of self-guided change could do us a world of good. As a line from my favorite poem reads, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul” (Invictus – William Ernest Henley).
: : : I don’t know what I’ve done or if I like what I’ve begun. But something told me to run and honey you know me, it’s all or none. There were sounds in my head. LIttle voices whispering that I should go and this should end oh and I found myself listening : : :
— Where I Stood, Missy Higgins —