Sigh…it’s been one of those weeks. The kind where time slows down, expectations skyrocket, and it seems like the whole world is weighing down on your shoulders. I think the worst thing about weeks like this is it gets me thinking…a lot…all the time…about everything. Just thinking, when I should be studying or salvaging the minimal hours of sleep I squeeze into my day. So about 4 a.m. last night, the constant thinking finally got to me and it suddenly hit me. I feel so lost.
Looking back on this year, I realized that I’m in a whirlwind of change that just refuses to stop spinning. And with graduation around the corner, the comfort of my predictable university lifestyle is no longer an excuse to keep me grounded.
Sometimes it makes me think, is it really possible that the 800 plus students graduating with me this semester know exactly what they want to do at the at this pinnacle of their lives? I highly doubt it. Let’s face facts, who isn’t lost these days? Who doesn’t feel like they’ve abruptly stopped still, stuck with the very thought of “what the HELL am I doing?” Count me in people because I am just as confused.
So where do I go from here? I admit it openly, I’m scared of the unknown. And as I’m flinging myself into it, it makes me wonder:
Am I where I want to be in my life right now?
I wish I had an answer. But as I tried to drown out my ridiculous thoughts I came across a beautiful prayer by Paolo Coelho that seemed to have the reply right there for me.
So this is for all of you who may doubt, question, or find yourselves confused in the midst of change. Embrace this aimlessness, have faith, and trust that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
A Prayer I Forgot
Lord, protect our doubts, because Doubt is a way of praying. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at the many answers that exist to one question. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our decisions, because making Decisions is a way of praying. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another. May our YES always be a YES and our NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our actions, because Action is a way of praying. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect our dreams, because to Dream is a way of praying. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and perseverance. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, give us enthusiasm, because Enthusiasm is a way of praying. It is what binds us to the Heavens and to Earth, to grown-ups and to children, it is what tells us that our desires are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing. And in order for this to be possible…
Lord, protect us, because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the earth continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmute wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company, and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.
: : : You say that we’re all tied up and wrapped around in useless states of mind. But at the same time we’re still young. We have the time to realize we were wrong : : :
— Beauty in the Breakdown, The Scene Aesthetic —