There’s something about the whole concept of “Cloud 9” that makes it seem like eternal bliss up there. Like there is no other possible high than being in the midst of a timeless infatuation. But needless to say—and excuse the horrible cliché—every cloud has its rainy days.
Where, you might ask, did these woes come from after my last post of utter happiness? Well the other day I was talking to a good friend about my recent inauguration into the Cloud 9 Club, and at the time I absolutely loved her reaction. She told me,
“You did it. You figured it out. You finally passed the stage of not knowing.”
Ahh, the stage of not knowing. It just so happens that this particular friend and I spent countless nights in the past complaining about the frustrations of not knowing where we’d end up in our futures…or the seemingly more important question, who we’d end up with. For a fraction of a second it really felt like I had figured it all out.
Where’s the sudden setback? I just realized that I am STILL at that stage of not knowing.
You see, Cloud 9 is a mysterious realm all on its own and with it comes a whole new set of emotions. And whereas I’ve always prided myself in supporting a strong and perhaps slightly obstinate personality, I found that along with following impulse comes a lot of vulnerability.
Yes! Vulnerability! Because you’re finally at a point in your life where you realize you have officially let all your walls down, let in the tides of change and picked a direction for your life. But how many of us really know where that leads?
Suddenly the whole concept of “leap of faith” doesn’t sound so appealing and you find yourself in a constant search of reassurance.
I guess tonight, I went in search for that reassurance and fell a little short on the expected Disney magic. But as the science of life constantly attempts to remind us, a pinch of vulnerability mixed with a spoonful of expectations always threatens to lead to disappointment.
Now as a devoted hopeless romantic, I know I must be committing the ultimate sin of prancing all over the invincible Cloud 9 concept. But seriously, damn you Disney for not telling us what happens AFTER Happily Ever After.
So the weather on Cloud 9 tonight? Quite stormy.
: : : Hello, hello, I’m at a place called Vertigo. It’s everything I wish I didn’t know. Except you give me something I can feel : : :
— Vertigo, U2 —