I Tear My Heart Open…

I care too much.

It’s a general fact about myself I’ve known for years.

I care wholeheartedly and unconditionally about everyone and everything that means something to me.

It seems like slowly, everyone is learning not to care…learning to forget about common courtesy, getting used to turning the other cheek, and all in all, not giving a second thought to the things that don’t involve them personally.

Did I miss the memo when everyone started becoming like this?

Sigh…I thought that maybe…just maybe…I could stick to being that person who’s always smiling and looking to brighten up someone’s day. I thought, “Forget those people and their messed up mentalities…I’m going to stick to my own way.”

So here I am…ready to crack jokes, hold hands and wipe tears…ready to wholeheartedly care once again. And you know what? It works for me.

But what happens then, to those of us who chose to care when we need someone to care about us? When we are just too worn out of giving and want, for one second, the world to stop for us the way we did for it.
What is this constant battle in my head? That feeling that I want to be able to get a smile out of everyone I meet and secretly hoping they’d feel the same way? I guess things just don’t work that way.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “We are afraid to care too much, for the fear that the other person does not care at all.”

So screw the expectations, the longing and the hope…I’m not afraid.

I’ll just put my faith in karma.

: : : And I don’t know…I could crash and burn but maybe at the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me. So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right. No comparing, Second guessing, no not this time : : :

Sober, Kelly Clarkson —
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